my heart is closing like a fist

by zack scribner

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part 1 0:00
part 2 5:10
part 3 13:19
part 4 19:24
part 5 26:19
part 6 29:49

lyrics

i'm sorry
for now it's hate
but i have to grieve
i have to wait

i'm sorry
for now i fight
but i have to sing
i have to write

do you think of me?
ever?
in your hands
under your weather

do you see me?
everyday?
as i do
in every way

and you chime in
"i care"
but i won't
be there

you speak to me
hold me
taunt me
and have your way

but i can never
explain
the anger
the shame

and you chime in
"i'm sorry"
but i can't
fall for it
anymore

now i turn
to this verse
the feeling returns

i get seated
i begin
i let the thought
sink in

no words
i have sung
will change
what's been done

no thoughts
of my love
could change
what's to come

my love
becomes rot
my blood
runs hot
and suddenly...

my heart is closing like a fist
the urge to resist
meets it's end

my arms are empty again
my love blows in the wind
and dissolves

my wounds are all infected
hate grows under my skin
and resolves

my heart still closes like a fist
to no longer exist
but it insists

my age is showing again
my patience wears thin

my strength is tested again
my wisdom now is slim

the air is thinner than it seems
my thoughts flow in the breeze

my blood is carried downstream
and then suddenly...

credits

released March 15, 2024
inspired by the poem mayakovski by frank o'hara

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about

zack scribner Seldovia, Alaska

20y/o noise maker from seldovia, alaska

residing in portland, oregon

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